hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
