my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
