haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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