Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
