Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
