Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
