Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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