Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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