I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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