Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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