just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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