I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
