he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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