Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
