So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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