The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
