Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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