What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she pinky promised me she was 18
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
