The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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