Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Someone shattered a urinal.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Mom said you looked used
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
