I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
