he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
