I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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