I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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