Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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