Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize