Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
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