You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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