a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
