Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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