The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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