so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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