How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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