Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
