Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We're too hungover to prance.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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