white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
