Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
