You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
