so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Still dying that you shit outside
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
