I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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