I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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