just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
