Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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