Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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