You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
