ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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