HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
