he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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