It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
