He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize