Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
