so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
