Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
