I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize