btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
