That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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