The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
