Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
