Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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