I feel great
I just peed on a car
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
