He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
