yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
