what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
