i think my mom watched the whole time
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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