I heard we made out
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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