I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
