I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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