all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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