she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize