Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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