That's when you crack a 10am beer
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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