just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
