I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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