I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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