first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
