my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize