HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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