I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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