i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
