party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
