i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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