I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
