I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
